To me, weight loss is the end goal, the by-product, and the gateway. Over the next three weeks, I’m going to share my thoughts on and experiences with my weight less as an end goal, as a by-product, and as a gateway.
I’m learning more about myself all of the time through my relationship with food and eating, and my weight gain and loss. I’m learning about how I’ve used food and eating to avoid myself – my thoughts and feelings, and how I can now meet myself where I am. I can examine my thoughts and feelings with curiosity and compassion rather than harsh judgment and ridicule. I can create a safe space for myself where I can question what is going on around me, question my beliefs, decide what I want to think and how I want to feel, and what I want to do and accomplish.
It is not easy for me, but it is worth it. I don’t do anything perfectly. Not at all. And finally, I can say that that is ok. I am willing to show up for the discomfort. It will all be ok.
“And all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.” Sister Julian of Norwich, 14th and 15th centuries
I’ll begin this week with weight loss as an end goal. Come back for the next two weeks to learn more about weight loss as a by-product and a gateway.
Weight Loss as an End Goal
What do I mean?
As the end goal, weight loss is quantifiable, measurable. In our society, it’s what we are conditioned to think about and work toward. We desperately want to see the number on the scale go down. We want our clothing sizes to shrink – pants, shirts, bra. It can be a new blood sugar level reading or a lower heart rate. A different blood pressure reading. It’s the number of steps walked or the number of minutes spent on aerobic exercise.
We attach a lot of meaning to the end goal. For many of us, we see the end goal as the key to lasting happiness. We think if we can just reach that predetermined number on the scale, all will be well and right with the world. Suddenly, all of the unhappiness, unease, discomfort, anxiety, and shame we feel will disappear. And this is when weight loss as an end goal becomes problematic. Weight loss, in and of itself, will not create happiness. That’s a bill of goods we have been sold by the media and our popular culture. Drink this shake, swallow this pill, follow this exercise plan, and all shall be well. But that’s not true.
It’s perfectly reasonable for weight loss to be the end goal. Goals keep us focused. Goals provide us with direction. However, I think it’s critical that each of us understand why we want to reach that goal. What is the compelling reason that will keep moving you toward that goal? Is the reason self-affirming or is it self-critical? Does it nourish you, or does it deplete you? Does it inspire you to take healthy actions, or does it lead you to a dark place.
What is your why?
Why is it important to be a new size, a new shape, a new level of fitness?
Get really clear with yourself. Be honest with yourself.
You must believe in and honor your why.
It doesn’t have to be noble or virtuous.
You just need to be genuinely committed to it.
Your why can be that you want to look “better,” whatever that means to you.
Your why can be greater stamina, better flexibility, better sleep.
Make sure your why is clear to you.
Make sure your why is compelling to you.
What is your compelling reason for weight loss as an end goal?
How will you know when you’ve achieved it?
How will your life be different?
How will you be different?
What will this weight loss mean to you?
What will you do to maintain that goal?
Is your weight loss end goal sustainable?
Weight loss as an end goal is great.
It doesn’t have to be meaningful to anyone but you.
Take some time to get clear without yourself about your why, your compelling reasons.
They don’t have to be deep or spiritual or lofty.
It could simply be, I want to look great.
You get to decide what looking great means to you.
Currently, I have two compelling reasons.
One is health-related. I have a severed ACL in my right knee. An MRI showed that in addition, I have arthritis, cartilage damage, and meniscus wear in both knees. So, one of my compelling reasons for reaching my goal weight is to take weight and pressure off of my knees.
My second reason is for my mental health and understanding of myself. I want to tap into my emotional life. When I’m not hungry, but I want to eat, there is a different hunger at play ~ an emotional hunger. And historically, I have wanted to smother this emotional hunger with food rather than experience, accept, and allow it.
For the first time in my life, I want to be with the discomfort of emotional hunger. I want to know what it is. I want to learn from it and grow.
Who am I when I allow this emotional hunger? I already know who I am when I ignore it, resist it, and try to extinguish it. What can I realize when I simply let it be. Who am I then? Who am I really?