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April 2021

What Role Do I Want Food to Play in My Life?

Today, the food I eat provides me with sustenance, health, energy, and vitality. As well as pleasure and enjoyment.

But when I was in the midst of my disordered relationship with food, I made it mean all sorts of things.

Food was my
~best friend
~entertainment
~comfort
~safety net
~consolation.

When I felt like I didn’t belong, food was a comforting friend. I could count on food to be there when I had decided I couldn’t count on or trust anyone, including myself.

You Don't Have to Eat Over That

You Don’t Have to Eat Over That

The silver lining… the big takeaway is that I didn’t need to eat, overeat, or binge to buffer against this event. None of those things would have changed the circumstance. I would still need to take care of it. And the truth is that eating, overeating, or bingeing over it would have made it worse. Not only would I not have dealt with the situation calmly and rationally, but I would have pushed the negative emotions aside. The “shouldn’t be happening” thoughts would have persisted. Days later, I would still be mentally thrashing about, reliving the experience over and over searching for resolution.

I have resolution. I am calm. I am not taking it personally. I am taking care of myself. I am moving forward.

losing 100 pounds

Losing 100 Pounds – The First 25

What I’ve come to realize is that the journey is the destination. I know that this is one of those pat statements that elicits eye rolls, but bear with me. I am always arriving to meet myself wherever I happen to be. The great realization is that I will always have opportunities to learn more about myself and to know myself better, to wholeheartedly appreciate, love, and nurture myself.