I follow a lot of other weight and life coaches on social media. Some are nutritionists, some are trainers, and some focus more on the mental and emotional side of eating and losing weight. All are good at what they do. There is value in what they post. But the other day, I realized that I don’t have to agree with what they say and advocate all of the time. There have been times when I haven’t understood or agreed with their positions. And that’s ok. It doesn’t mean they’re right and I’m wrong, or that I’m right and they’re wrong. There are so many schools of thought on weight loss, food, diet, eating, and fitness. Recently, I have read others’ “top” lists of things they think people should do to lose weight, so I thought I’d share mine.
Here is what I truly believe each of us needs to do in order to lose weight in a mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy way.
Have your own back. Not just as a catchy thing to say, but through your actions. The best place to begin is with a food protocol and daily food plan. Decide ahead of time what you will eat, plan it, and then eat accordingly. Rinse and repeat. This series of actions will give you authority over your eating. You will have autonomy. You won’t be beholden to others’ rules – eat this many points, that many grams of this and that.
Know your why. Have a compelling reason for change. What do you want for you? Tap into your own desire, your own wants. Losing weight because someone said something to you, or suggested something to you most likely is not compelling. Your compelling reason can be anything as long it resonates deeply with you.
Have a set of foundational self-care essentials. These have nothing, and yet everything, to do with changing your habits. Foundational essentials include a sleep plan, a breathing and/or meditation practice, a gratitude practice, an exercise plan (even if it’s a short walk), a journaling routine, and getting enough water. These are things every human being needs, regardless of weight, size, and food preferences. Women who, like me, have struggled with disordered eating, have also struggled to take care of themselves in essential ways. You need to take care of yourself because you’re deserving of it, not for an end goal, but as a way to honor yourself as is. Note: when I started doing these things, I eventually wanted to do what it took to change my relationship with food. Care and love beget care and love.
Have a rudimentary understanding of how your body processes food, especially refined, processed foods that contain large amounts of sugar and flour. The human body is not designed to consume such foods. When we do, our hormones, especially insulin, become dysregulated. This is not the place for me to go into great detail about this. I will at another time. However, I cannot recommend enough that you read The Obesity Code by Dr. Jason Fung. Life changing.
There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken and you don’t need to be fixed. Have a rudimentary understanding of how the primitive brain and the sophisticated “human” brain – the prefrontal cortex – work. The primitive brain is all about patterns and habits, keeping us safe and comfortable, avoiding pain, danger, and discomfort, and keeping it easy. Our prefrontal cortex allows us to reason, make decisions ahead of time, analyze, evaluate, and witness our own thoughts.
Self-awareness is key. In order to build awareness of your own thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and actions, you create a self-coaching practice. This practice allows you to better understand why you do what you do in a compassionate, curious, and non-judgmental way.
Have a willingness to fail. Most of us, actually I think it’s more like all of us, who have struggled with the way we eat and relate to food, and our weight, are perfectionists. We are so damn hard on ourselves. If we make one tiny mistake, then it’s game over. We have failed and we cannot have that. So, we simply give up. When we accept that failure is not only normal and to be expected, but is encouraged, everything changes. We can let go of unrealistic expectations. We can see our mistakes and missteps as opportunities to understand ourselves better and learn what works for us and what doesn’t. We develop the capacity to fail.
These are the issues, topics, and skills we address in my one-to-one weight loss coaching program.
It really is true that if I can do these things and change the trajectory of my life, anyone can.
The other day, someone wrote to me that losing 100 pounds was a “super achievement.” She’s right. It is. And I did that. Instead of being in awe of myself that I did a thing I was convinced I’d never be able to do, I’m off to the next thing, and calling myself out for coming up short. This is a pattern with me… with most of us. It doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with us. There’s nothing to fix. It’s the way our brain is designed to work. Growing and changing don’t feel safe to us (see #5 above). Growth and change push us out of our comfort zone. When we know that discomfort is to be expected, we can move toward it rather than run from it.
Today, I am in awe of what I have achieved. I am in even more awe of what I will achieve. I know I will fail as I figure out the next steps in establishing my coaching business. That’s totally ok. It’s an integral part of the process.
So, be willing to fail. Fail forward. Learn and grow in the best of ways.