Embracing the Four C’s to Reach Goals and Change our Lives
The Four C’s Required for Growth: Commitment, Courage, Capability, and Confidence
I wanted to lose weight. Desperately.
I was tired and demoralized by the endless cycle of pumping myself up, trying a new diet, failing at it, regaining weight, and loathing myself more than before.
But one day two years ago, in the transition from 2018 to 2019, I decided to try again.
I made a decision that I would do what I needed to do to lose weight for good. I would ask for help. I would listen. I would learn.
I had to change my thinking in order to lose weight. I had to feel different emotions in order to lose weight. And I had to do things differently in order to lose weight.
I was totally clueless about the amount of discomfort I had to be willing to experience in order to do those things.
I had just signed up to be fully and ridiculously uncomfortable. In order to change my weight, I had to change myself, and change is hard. It demands a lot of us.
In the past, I usually gave up on making changes because I didn’t understand what was happening. I didn’t understand that it is the brain’s job to rebel when things change. My human brain just wants to keep me safe by maintaining the status quo, even when the status quo didn’t serve my higher good. So, I had thoughts of, “I can’t do this,” and “This is too hard,” “Other people figure this out, but not me, and “I’ll never make it.”
I had to learn how to manage my mind around food, eating, and weight.
I had to embrace and use the Four C’s – Commitment, Courage, Capability, and Confidence.
The first thing I did was make a commitment to myself. I decided to lose weight by creating my own food protocol, writing down my food plans, assessing them, making changes, and moving forward.
I had to know my why. Why did I want to lose weight? Why did I choose to create a specific food protocol and plan? Did I like my reasons?
I had to honor the commitment, even when I didn’t feel like it in order to build integrity with myself, to build trust, and have my own back.
And that is where the second C, courage, came into it. Everyone thinks that courage is a noble quality, and that having it feels good. But that’s not true. Courage feels terrible. Courage is feeling really uncomfortable and persevering. It’s doing the hard thing even when the primitive brain is saying, “No, don’t do it. It’s too hard. It’s not worth it. Who do you think you are anyway, to think that you can change?”
When I felt the most discomfort, yet persevered and didn’t quit, that is when I made the most growth. That is when I was able to see myself in a new light, understand the thinking that leads to overeating and bingeing, and then choose to think new thoughts. Instead of thinking, “I cannot stand this. I must eat to feel better,” I was able to pause and build awareness. I was able to say, “No, I’m not going to respond to stress and anxiety by eating. I’m going to experience them. I’m going to allow them to be without resistance.”
Discomfort was the sign that I was on the right track. That I was growing, and developing the compassion and self-acceptance I needed to continue on the journey to learning more about myself and losing weight.
I was willing to experience doubt and fear rather than attempting to muffle them with eating, overeating, and bingeing. I was willing to simply be with them. The result is that I learned that while they really don’t feel good at all, they pass. They pass pretty quickly, and I can carry on rather than being sidetracked by them.
This leads to the third C – capability. By experiencing discomfort and not running or hiding from it, I developed the capabilities I needed to sustain weight loss, use food in positive ways for fuel and enjoyment, and manage my feelings. I showed myself that I was capable of having my own back, making choices that served, rather than harmed, me.
Some of the skills (capabilities) I developed along the way include:
~Deciding and planning ahead of time what I wanted to eat, and then following the plan;
~Assessing how well I followed the plan without beating up on myself;
~Looking honestly at my behaviors and deciding which ones I wanted to keep and which I didn’t;
~Developing habits and routines that serve my new way of eating and living for greater health.
Most importantly, I developed the skill of returning to, rather than abandoning, myself. I just stayed when I really wanted to flee. I paused and breathed. I told myself that I could do it, that I didn’t have to be perfect, and that didn’t have to have everything figured out in order to move forward.
And I arrived at the fourth C – confidence. I was and am confident that I have my own back. I do what I say I’m going to do, even when, or especially when, I really don’t want to. Confidence comes from trusting that no matter what is going on, I will take care of myself. I get to choose what I want to believe about myself. I choose to believe that I am responsible for my life. I choose to believe that I can figure things out when I am faced with a problem. I choose to believe that I am worthy as is, that I don’t’ have anything to prove, that I’m worthy and lovable. I choose to believe that I can work toward any goal I want to achieve. This is how I cultivate confidence, by claiming my power. I don’t have to make excuses or look for blame. I know that I can pick myself up and keep moving forward.
Here are some questions to consider when you want to make a change, set a goal, or have a particular outcome, and want to know if you’re ready to make it happen:
~Why have I set this goal? Do I like my why? Do I like my reasons for the change?
~When I imagine this outcome for myself, how do I feel?
(Small FYI – If you don’t feel a bit sick, a little scared, somewhat freaked out, then it’s probably not a big enough goal for you.)
~If I know that feeling uncomfortable is a necessary part of getting to my goal, am I willing to feel it?
~How would my journey be different if I saw discomfort as a sign that I’m on the right track, and that nothing has gone wrong, if I saw it as a green light rather than a yellow or red one?
~What emotions do I typically avoid? Am I now willing to feel them in order to reach my goal? Why?
What goal could you set for yourself today that you’ve been reluctant to set before?
Keep it simple.
Do you like your reasons for setting it?
Can you track it without judgment?
Let me know how it goes.