I have been thinking a lot about balance lately.
It began with thoughts about work – life balance because I have been so tired lately, as well as overwhelmed by work. As I pondered what I could do to achieve more balance in my life by drawing boundaries between work and home, I began to expand my concept of balance.
In my life coach training, I was taught that life is 50-50. What this means is that we will experience sadness but also joy, determination and doubt. That there is a balancing act between emotions we label as negative or bad and those we label as positive and desirable.
I get this concept. It brings me peace to realize that there is a yin-yang to emotions. It makes sense.
However, I’ve started to think of balance as the coexistence of opposites, of them working in tandem. It’s not either or for me. It’s and.
I need to take action to accomplish things, and I need to listen to my inner voice when it tells me to take a break, create space, and just be.
When I was in the throes of disordered eating, and bingeing a lot, I shut down that inner voice. I couldn’t hear it. I didn’t want to hear it. It was too scary. So I kept going and doing, and then “rewarded” myself for my hard work by overindulging, bingeing, purging, and restricting.
I need time and space for accomplishment and I need time and space for stillness.
I need to analyze and evaluate, and I need to pause in stillness and reflect. And then decide.
The stillness used to scare me to death. I equated stillness with an opportunity for the emotions that I couldn’t handle to surface. I thought they would devour me. So I devoured everything I possibly could, instead. Today, I can honestly say that I seek opportunities to be still and alone. I focus on my breath and observe what rises to the surface. Then I can choose what I want to believe about what comes up, how I want to feel, and whether I want to do anything with it or not.
I was able to not only lose but maintain a 100 pound weight loss by working on emotional balance, mental balance, and physical balance.
I intentionally set out to balance being on the go, driven, with the ability to pause and reflect.
I learned to listen as well as do and go and create.
I learned to breathe and be, while still being productive.
I learned to sit with discomfort and give it space in my life, and take action.
I learned to have goals, and let go of control and outcomes with acceptance and ease.
I learned to believe in myself and to question what I was thinking.
None of these things have to do with calories or fat grams, with macros or food plans.
These things are about being human and allowing myself to have a full human experience.
When I was willing to balance my emotional life, my mental life, my physical life, then I didn’t need to eat in order to escape myself or to make things more comfortable.
It was when I did these things that I wanted to take care of myself by eating better, moving more, and so on.
I wanted to be uncomfortable in order to discover what I was truly thinking and feeling, so that I could better understand why I did the things I did. When I did that, I could consciously choose what I wanted to do for myself in order to create and live a better life.
I want the same for every woman out there who has ever felt at the mercy of forces she didn’t understand. It’s possible to understand your own thinking, feeling, and actions with compassion and acceptance. From that place, you can consciously choose what you want, and then take steps toward fulfilling your dreams.
Peace.