Habits – Do they serve us in ways that we like or do they perpetuate a lifestyle that we desperately want to change?
When I was significantly overweight, eating poorly, and not treating myself with respect, my habits didn’t serve me in healthy ways. I constantly stopped for lattes on my way to work, despite knowing that they would bloat me and make me feel sick later. Frequently, I would get a muffin top for myself as well. The muffin tops, heavily processed foods made mostly with flour and sugar, also left me feeling sick. These habits set me up for sugar cravings throughout the day and abdominal pain.
Changing our habits is hard. Our habits are habits because we’ve practiced them for long periods of time, years most likely, and we’ve created neural pathways that are well ingrained.
When I told myself that I just needed to stop drinking lattes and eating processed foods, it wouldn’t work. I would rebel against my harsh self-criticism and shame, and I would return to my unhealthy ways.
If changing our habits was easy, we would all do it, move on, and never have to deal with them again.
So, rather than focus on what wasn’t working well for me and what I didn’t want, I decided to focus on what I could do for myself and what I did want. I developed new habits that coexisted with old ones. I started paying more attention to the good habits and the positive effects they were having on my life rather than the negative effects of the habits I didn’t want.
Over time, the new habits took root. They took up more space and time than the old ones. For example, I used to drink a lot of Diet Coke. A LOT of it. I loved the caffeine, the fizziness as it hit the back of my throat, and the taste. But I knew I was drinking too much of it, and that it wasn’t healthy: artificial flavoring, artificial sweetener, artificial coloring. One day, I just decided to stop drinking it. I didn’t reflect on why I was drinking so much. I didn’t consider the effect of no longer having it in my body. I just stopped. It worked for awhile, but one day, I just started drinking it again, and that was that.
A couple of years later, I was still drinking it. I knew it was unhealthy. I wanted to stop drinking it, but I felt at a loss as to what to do. So, I decided not to do anything about the Diet Coke. I decided to focus on what I could do that was healthy. I began drinking lemon water daily, as part of my morning routine. I drank 16 ounces as I was making my tea and getting ready for my day.
I did this consistently for a couple of months. Then I decided to drink 32 ounces in the morning as part of my routine. Around the same time, I purchased a large, fancy, insulated, easy-to-use water bottle. Every morning, after I drank my 32 ounces of lemon water, I filled my new water bottle with another 32 ounces of lemon water, and took it to work. I was now drinking a minimum of 64 ounces of water per day.
At that time, I had no interest in giving up Diet Coke. I just started to crowd it out. Over time, I did give it up for good. It no longer made sense to me to spend time drinking water, only to drink Diet Coke, too. Also, there’s only so much liquid I can consume. I chose to drink something that made me feel good.
I did the same thing with food. After so many years and decades of overeating, bingeing and gaining weight, then dieting to lose it, only to regain it, I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I was overwhelmed, disheartened, and discouraged. While I did not seem to be able to eliminate the unhealthy eating habits I had developed, that didn’t mean that I couldn’t also begin to eat healthier foods in healthier ways. So, I set out to eat the rainbow. Every day, I would include dark green leafy vegetables, tomatoes, orange and red bell peppers, jicama, carrots, celery, tomatoes, cucumbers, broccoli, and so on. I didn’t try to correct or eliminate the bingeing habit. I just created new habits to coexist alongside it. I learned how to cook salmon. I made my own veggie burgers. I bought a Vitamix blender. I learned how to make a healthy smoothie with wild blueberries. And I kept on overeating and bingeing, too.
Again, over time, I began to like the way I was treating myself when I took the time to prepare healthy foods and treat my body with respect, rather than as a trash can. I was crowding out the bingeing and overeating. I didn’t view those actions as saviors anymore. I viewed them as habits I wanted to better understand and move away from. Eventually, over the course of a few years, I was ready. I was ready to let go of them.
I call this habit technique “crowding out”. Rather than simply eliminating bad habits, I allowed them to coexist with good habits. Over time, the good habits took over and crowded out the bad ones.
As I reclaimed my health, changed my eating habits, began to lose weight, and live an overall better life, I relied on something called habit stacking to make consistent changes in my life. I learned about habit stacking from the book, Atomic Habits, by James Clear. The idea of habit stacking was originally created by BJ Fogg as part of his Tiny Habits program.
Habit stacking is the process of attaching a new behavior to an existing one. The sentence frame used is, “After I ___________________, then I will __________________________. The end of one habit is the beginning of another.
Here is an example of a string of habit stacks I’ve used to be more focused and productive in the morning:
After I put in my contacts, I immediately make my bed.
After I make my bed, I will do my morning exercises (planks and weight lifting).
After I do my exercises, I will meditate for 15 minutes.
After I meditate, I will self-coach and journal for at least 10 minutes.
After I self-coach and journal, I’ll walk the dog for at least one mile.
After I walk the dog, I will drink 32 ounces of lemon water.
And this is followed by getting ready for work and leaving the house at a predetermined time.
Instead of feeling restrictive and confining, this routine gives me energy and focus. I am ready for my day, knowing that I have laid a solid foundation upon which to be effective and efficient with my time.
It didn’t happen all at once, either. I built this stack one habit at a time, and linked habits together in a way that makes sense for me.
I’ve been using this particular habit-stack for about 18 months now. And while I can still say I don’t wanna at 5:30 in the morning, I still do all of it. It’s not a question of whether or not I’ll do these things, it’s whether or not I fight myself about it. I don’t fight myself when it comes to brushing my teeth and doing the laundry. I just do them. And the same is now true for this morning habit stack.
I have other habit stacks (routines) for my evenings and weekends that also help me to be focused and productive. But this morning one sets me up for the day.
If I had waited until I could eliminate the unhealthy eating and related habits, I know for certain that I wouldn’t be where I am today, having maintained a 100 pound weight loss for over a year now.
About those daily lattes and muffin tops. Over time, I gave them up. They no longer seemed necessary. I was more interested and invested in what I could do to take care of myself than what I could do to feel good in the moment. I now allow myself to have one latte per week as a joy beverage. I don’t have any interest in the muffin tops at all.
If eliminating “bad” habits seems like an impossibility for you, then try adding in healthy habits to coexist with them. Start small. Add one thing. Try it out for a while. If it’s working, then ask yourself what you can add next. And keep going.
You are worth it!
PS – I highly recommend reading Atomic Habits by James Clear and subscribing to his weekly newsletter. You can do that by clicking here: https://jamesclear.com/3-2-1
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